Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
