Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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