ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
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