i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
