About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
