Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
