I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
