I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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