U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
