We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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