ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
