If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
