That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
