My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
