Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
she told me i tasted like america
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
