You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
