were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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