just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
OPIZZABONMYDICK
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
