Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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