i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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