I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
