oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
