I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
