it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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