taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Enjoy the penises
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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