it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
