no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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