We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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