Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
