Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
