u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
