I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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