then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize