last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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