so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
