Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
