I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
operation have a gay friend backfired
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
