Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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