my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
