I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So many bounce houses so little time
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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