Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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