Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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