yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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