Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
