why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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