One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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