i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think I sprained my soul last night
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Randomize
