Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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