You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
false alarm, still single
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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