Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
