I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
