I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
