Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
