i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
