You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
