I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
