I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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