I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
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She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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