i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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