this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
