hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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